Bad Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes, the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions, and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”

Sex on the Sabbath

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin, because he is not sure if sex is WORK or PLAY.

So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, “My son, after an exhaustive search,

I am positive that sex is WORK and is therefore not permitted on Sundays.”

The man thinks, “What does a Priest know about sex? So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man, and experienced in  this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply.

Sex is WORK, and therefore not for the Sabbath.

Not pleased with this reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority, a man of a thousand years of tradition and knowledge.

In other words, he goes to see a Rabbi.

The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, “My son, sex is definitely PLAY.

Shocked, the man replies, “Rabbi, how can you be so sure it is PLAY when so many others tell me sex is WORK?”

The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were WORK, ………..my Wife would have the Maid do it.

David Bancroft