The Joy of Sarah Palin

Former GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is rejoining Fox News. It’s a time to rejoice for liberal commentators.

The crew over at MSNBC has been in a funk. After all their major targets for ridicule have been Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. The mockery has been well deserved.

Bachmann is famous for her accusations. She suggested that the HPV vaccine known as Gardasil had caused mental retardation in the child of one of her supporters. After a swift public outcry, Bachmann cautioned that she was not a doctor but still stood by her story. The there was the time that Bachmann told Chris Matthews on “Hardball” that the media should probe Congress for “anti-America” views.

Then there were the Katie Couric (when Couric was the CBS Evening News anchor) interviews with Sarah Palin. They were not meant to be disrespectful and the questions were what most would consider “softball.”

Couric asked Palin her opinion on the emergency economic bailout the Bush administration was proposing:

COURIC: Why isn’t it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families, who are struggling with healthcare, housing, gas and groceries, allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

PALIN: That’s why I say, I, like every American I’m speaking with, we’re ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the tax payers looking to bail out, but ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping tho— it’s got to be all about job creation too, shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track, so healthcare reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade, we’ve got to see trade as opportunity, not as— competitive— scary thing, but one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.

In another segment aired on September 30, 2008, Couric asked Palin about her taste in periodicals:

COURIC: And when it comes to establishing your world view, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this — to stay informed and to understand the world?

PALIN: I’ve read most of them again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media, coming f—

COURIC: But like which ones specifically? I’m curious that you—

PALIN: Um, all of ’em, any of ’em that, um, have, have been in front of me over all these years. Um, I have a va—

COURIC: Can you name a few?

PALIN: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news too. Alaska isn’t a foreign country, where, it’s kind of suggested and it seems like, ‘Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C. may be thinking and doing when you live up there in Alaska?’ Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.

And who could forget Palin’s comment that the difference between a hockey mom and a Pit Bull? Lipstick. You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.

Chris Matthews can hardly wait for Palin’s return to Fox News.

Señorita

Lunch With The Girls … Over Time

A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen, next door to the Ocean View restaurant, because they had only $6.00 among them and Brad Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.

10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover charge, and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the martinis were big, and the waiters wore tight pants and had nice buns.

10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of hot flashes), and they served fish which is good for your cholesterol.

10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the lighting was good, and the restaurant had a senior citizen discounts.

10 years later, the group of 75-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the food was not too spicy, and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.

10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because they had never
been there before.

How the Mind Works…….

A practical example of how the human mind works.

Analysis of the above picture can tell us a lot about how different people think.

– For young men, it’s a picture of a young lady with a nice derriere but only the most observant will notice that she is crossing a street.

– The really observant will notice that she is wearing a thong.

– For older men, she appears to be a respectable woman – with a fairly large ass – probably on her way to work.

– Wiser men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer to take the shot in the face of such beauty and be grateful that he shared it.

– For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.

– The other half will think she is a slut but wonder where she bought that blouse

– Older women will imagine the misery that the woman’s curves will cause by the time she reaches 50.

-But only children, the extremely intelligent, and the celibate will notice that the taxi is being driven by a dog

Bar Joke

Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there’s a robot bartender! The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Whiskey.” The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy,” 168.” The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, . . . but he is curious . . . So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Whiskey.” Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Whiskey,” and the robot brings him his whiskey. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.”

The robot leans in real close and says, “SO, . . . you people . . . still happy . . . with Obama?”

Kate Upton Returns to Sports Illustrated

There is plenty to appreciate here!

Good Choice, Sports Illustrated

Power outage at the Super Bowl

The 49ers were asleep for the entire first half of the game. We all know that the Silicon Valley crowd would be rooting for San Francisco. It’s a good bet that during the half time show those wise guy nerds on Technology Drive in San Jose quickly devised a virus that would shut down the power feed to the Super Dome.

Their theory was that the 49ers might wake up. But alas, the Ravens were too powerful to stop. A galant effort by the nerds.

I Think You’re The Father of One of My Kids…’

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.

She says, ‘Hello.’

He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he asks, ‘Do you know me?’

To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.

So he asks, ‘Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the Pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?’

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, ‘No, I’m your son’s teacher.’

Golden Years – A Tale of Madness and Greed

A story from Businessweek magazine.

One Nevada man prepared for everything but the inevitable

By Devin Leonard

Walter Samaszko Jr. was not a guy who wanted company. He covered the windows of his house in Carson City, Nev., with cardboard so the neighbors couldn’t see inside. He made the postman stick the mail through the slot in his garage rather than coming to the front door. He was so good at keeping people away that when he died of heart failure at age 69 in June, nobody noticed until his house began to smell. Someone called the sheriff’s department. A hazmat team removed Samaszko along with part of the floor he was stuck to.

That’s when everybody found out why he hadn’t been more sociable: The dour, white-haired recluse had been hoarding $7 million worth of gold coins, most of them hidden in the crawl space beneath the house. Some were in an old washing machine. There were British sovereigns dating back to the 1840s, Austrian ducats, and South African Kruggerands. But mostly Samaszko had collected rolls and rolls of $20 American gold pieces, the kind with double eagles on them. He also had $12,000 in cash, a stock account worth $165,000-and $200 in the bank.

The person who discovered Samaszko’s secret was Jeri Vine, a local real estate broker hired to clean up his house. She spent five days combing through his possessions. Samaszko had been prepared for the worst. He owned several guns, gas masks, and survivalist manuals. His cupboards were filled with canned The person who discovered Samaszko’s secret was Jeri Vine, a local real estate broker hired to clean up his house. She spent five days combing through his possessions.

Samaszko had been prepared for the worst. He owned several guns, gas masks, and survivalist manuals. His cupboards were filled with canned tuna fish. He had a lot of Johnny Mathis tapes. Vine threw most of it out. “We had like a 33 yard dumpster on the driveway,” she says. “I filled that thing.”

On the fourth day, Vine opened a metal ammunition box in the garage. It was full of gold coins in plastic cases. She called Alan Glover, the public administrator of Carson City. “Alan, get over here immediately!” she told him. “There’s so much money it’s unbelievable.” The sheriff’s department returned to the house, this time with metal I detectors. It took Glover and three attorneys two days to count all the coins. With the help of a numismatic expert, they determined that Samaszko’s clutch was worth $7 million. The gold is being stored in a vault in Reno until a local probate court judge decides its fate.

Samaszko may have been prepared for a societal collapse, but not for his own end. He had no will. Nor did he have any children. Glover was able to locate a first cousin, Arlene Magdanz, a part time teacher in San Rafael, Calif., who hadn’t seen him in years. Glover expects the probate court to release the fortune to Magdanz after the IRS extracts its cut. (He estimates the federal government’s take will be about $800,000.) The tale of the elderly recluse who turned out to be a millionaire became a brief sensation, with Vine and Glover appearing on the Today show.

Vine eventually sold Samaszko’s house for an undisclosed price. Some prospective buyers just wanted to see if there was any more gold hidden there. “One guy had his contractor friend go underneath the house,” Vine says. “I told him we went through that place with a fine-toothed comb. Never heard from him again.”

It’s easy to see why Samaszko’s death and the revelations that followed fascinate people. How many of us would have kept $7 million in a crawl space and not touched it? It makes you wonder what other secrets died with him.